Apr 09

Obviously, the point of doing these weekly posts highlighting the most interesting comments from my Cracked columns was to use them as a means to make fun of idiots on the Internet.

But here’s the thing, sometimes, there’s nobody to make fun of. See, as much as I read comments for the inherent entertainment value they hold, I also sometimes read them just to make myself feel better. It might shock you to hear this, but sometimes, the comments section is just overwhelmingly filled with positive people saying super nice things about you. 

That’s pretty much how the comments for my latest column, "5 Awful Life Lessons Learned During a Spicy Food Challenge", unfolded.

So, in lieu of making wisecracks at the words of a bunch of dummies, I’ll use this time to answer a few questions and just generally thank people for being so damn nice. Here goes…

I can’t promise anymore articles about heat challenges. I don’t like to repeat myself if I can avoid it. But as of right now, Cracked has yet to fire me, so there will definitely be more of something. Also, don’t bother, Gladstone can’t read.

In some respects, Vanilla Ice is also a legend. I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that tag.

I read everything. Unless there are too many comments to read, in which case I outsource the reading of comments to India. And thank you.

As long as I get to be Batman, I’m fine with this.

I can honestly say that I don’t know you, Crimm, but the fact that you like me makes me, in turn, like you. 

Hey, John Wayne’s name was Marion too. What I’m saying is, Gladstone will likely die with 40 pounds of impacted feces in his colon.

I’m only a furry in the sense that I have legs similar to Michael J. Fox’s in the 1980’s comedy classic Teen Wolf. Or Jason Bateman in the far less classic Teen Wolf Too. As for the header image, that is a picture of my cat fighting itself in a courtroom. The original idea was to be me fighting myself, but I had no desire to see an artist’s rendering of my grill posted on the Internet.

Shut up, Marion.

In a theoretical sense, all of my columns are about that.

What this guy isn’t telling us is that he smokes a lot of weed and therefore has terrible short term memory. 

3 Notes

  1. adamtodbrown posted this

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